Thinking All the Wrong Things

Sarah had been married seven times before. Each time, her husband died in the wedding chamber on their wedding night before they could consumate their marriage. What was going to make this night different from all the others with this man? Her father had the grave already dug for this next poor soul!

Fully understanding the spiritual battle of marriage, as well as fully understanding marriage as a sacrament and what "the two shall become one flesh" really meant, Tobiah was much wiser. Before he and Sarah consumated their marriage, this is the prayer they prayed together:


" 'Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever. Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever.

'You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.'

'Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age.'

They said together, 'Amen, amen,' and went to bed for the night" (Tobit 8:4-8). Later, Sarah's father sent a maid to see whether or not Tobiah was alive. She found both he and Sarah asleep, safe and sound.

Clearly, Tobiah's prayer are words of a married couple that clearly understand the sacrament of marriage. A sacrament is a visible sign of a invisible reality. That invisible reality is that "[s]exual intercourse must serve to build a true, loving communion between the spouses by expressing the sincere gift of oneself to the other (see TOB 116:3)" (Christopher West, Heaven's Song, pg. 161). This sincere gift of oneself is also called "a communion of persons becoming one flesh"which mimics the self-giving love between God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Men, we are thinking all the wrongs things we when "become one flesh" with our spouses. We think about how it feels for us; how we look doing it; how long we will last. This is self-gratification at the expense of our wives and not a sincere gift of ourselves. Our wives desire much, much more than this.

"A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a garden closed, a fountain sealed." (Song of Songs 4:12). Women are in total possession of themselves - always. Marriage is not an outlet to indulge our lusts.